Valentine Day Blues!

Twas a wonderful summer’s afternoon in the Merry Old Land of Oz. I could smell freshly cut grass mixed with the stench of gasoline as I stepped into the 37 degree heat in my bright red Miss Shop top. “Ah, Stirling Highway” I sighed as the sun reflected on my “Janded Housefly” Sunnies.  

 

It started at the bus stop.

 

Couple number one couldn’t get their hands (and other body parts) off each other.

 

“Ugh, go get a room” I thought. I’m not very comfortable with excessive public display of affection. If you have to, less is always best.

 

I turned away in disgust as the bus pulled over and I boarded.

 

“Is it me or is everyone on this bus wearing red?” maybe it was just a coincidence. We all know how fashion trends are in Perth; everyone wears the same damn thing!

 

I look up and Mr. and Mrs. were whispering so LOUDLY I bet could hear every single word of their lovey-dovey conversation from Alaska!

 

That was until they were interrupted by disgusting kissing sounds from the back seat. I started getting goose bumps….err no that was cos my phone was vibrating in my pocket. I looked at the screen and everything clicked. It wasn’t until 11.55am on Thursday, the 14th of February that Fatima Bukar realised it was Valentines Day.

 

“Ahh, that explains everything.”

 

I jump off right in front of the flight agent’s office and the only thing on my mind was I‘m getting my ticket today, Yay!! (Finally, I’m off to Nigeria after 12 months!)

 

“There’s your ticket Miss Bukar”

 

“Thanx”

 

“That’s a nice shade of red; you caught the valentine fever too?”

 

“Actually it was a coincidence. Half my closet is red.”

 

“Nice. So what are your plans tonight?”

 

“To be honest, I have no idea.”

 

“Ohh! She’s spontaneous! How romantic.”

 

“Seriously I have no plans; it’s a normal day to me.”

 

“Don’t be modest Fatima. Why do you have a Myer’s bag, you just bought lingerie! Naughty! Is it red?”

 

“No! I didn’t buy lingerie! It’s just a shirt – a very cheap shirt. They are on sale you know.”

 

“She’s blushing! Let’s stop bullying her now; I’m sure she’d have turned redder than her shirt if she could.”

 

“Thank you”

 

“Make sure you go to Forrest chase, they are handing out freebies.”

 

Osho Free! Before she even completed freebies I have apparated to Forrest chase. Who no like Awoof?

 

I queued up behind even more annoying touchy feely couples for these cute little red foil heart balloons. When it got to my turn:

 

“Sorry Ma’am, we are only handing them out to couples”

 

“Huh”

 

“Only couples ma’am, sorry, come back tomorrow”

 

“See yuwa mouth like tomorrow, na you go pay for my transport?

 

“Sorry ma’am?”

 

“No nothing.” I walked out of the line in shame thinking things like these only happen to me.

 

Oh well, all is not lost. I better go get some Bubble Tea to cheer me up.

 

That’s if I CAN get TO Utopia through this web of couples! I’m like seriously? What happened to Perth? Suddenly everyone is in love! it was driving me crazy! Seriously I know you are in love but PLEASE LET ME PASS OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL PUNCH THE BACK OF YOUR LOVE STONED SKULL! Hehe, of course I didn’t say it. I’m a pleasant commuter :), no street rage for me, but I had to break a few people holding hands. “Make way, angry person coming through!”

 

I had to face people making out everywhere I turned! Out of the thousands of people in Perth city today I can count those of us without a companion on my fingers!

 

I think the one that annoyed me the most was at the ATM queue in Carousel. I went shopping with friends today and I needed some cash out to SHOP and EAT. Two vital rituals that if omitted, a person will DIE! The couple took their time it’s like they had to kiss between each ATM button he presses. it’s like *beep* *smack* *giggle* *beep* *smack* *giggle* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!! Stop it already!

 

kissing in front of the ATM queue! ANNOYING! You’d think the dude just won the lottery!

 

Due to these unfortunate events that happened to me today I am calling to end the

DISCRIMINATION AGAINST SINGLE PEOPLE (Or in my case, “seemingly single” {SS})

 

If you fall under any category, please support my movement.

 

VALENTINES DAY: A BLATANT VIOLATION AND UNFAIR TREATMENT OF SINGLE AND UNATTACHED INDIVIDUALS.

 

Let’s lead a protest!

 

2, 4, 6, 8

Valentines Day should disintegrate!

 

2, 4, 6, 8

The couples we must agitate!

 

2, 4, 6, 8

They look down on us like we’re innate!

 

2, 4, 6, 8

We are single, you must appreciate!

 

 

With no love whatsoever,

 

Fatima “Rebel Leader” Bukar

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2 Responses to Valentine Day Blues!

  1. Fåtímå says:

    LMAO!!1
     

  2. death says:

    hmmm…. Well, at least some "seemingly single" people are not as bad as the ones who are "Actually Single" (like me), or those "broke-up and left back on the shelves Single".
     
    We should give them the Manfred Beilharz/ Robert Patuzzi Evil eye, and make them regret it for the rest of their lives. Well, I personally believe, that there should be some dignitiy and respect for yourselves and others around you. Geez, Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Action, then we would end up becoming like animals, making out everywhere.
     
     
     

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