*…She is like…so BACK!…*



Me ke faruwa?


When you just arrive home after being away for over a year, you expect your family to treat you like the queen (that you are!), you expect a large “Welcome home” banner, you expect breakfast in bed, you expect a convoy for escort, you expect a brass orchestra, you expect snow spray and petals, you expect “yes ma” service, you expect a foot massage, you basically expect to get away with, I dunno, Murder?! Well in my case it HAD to be different!


So I walk majestically out of the annoying Kaduna airport after flying for almost 2 days through 5 airports. I stretch my neck left, right, front and back. No sign of my parents. Okay, I keep looking and I noticed a bunch of giggling ladies. Oh great! Cousins and cool Aunties, that’ll do.


“So where’s Mummy?”




“And where’s Daddy”




*sigh* that was my special welcome home. My parents are too busy too welcome me home…me…their long lost daughter…I am so loved.


Instead of my special Mummy-cooked welcome home meal, I had “whatever the fridge had to offer” and in my case it was a bottle of coke and funny looking bread.


Instead of meeting a specially decorated room, I went to realise I didn’t even have a room in that house!


“There’s a guest room you can use, the sheets are in the closet.”


“Okay then, where’s all my Port Harcourt stuff?”


“They are in those brown cartons in the store.”


“Where’s the Xbox?”


“It’s in Abuja.


“What! Okay, let’s watch movies. Where are all the movies?”


“They’re in Abuja.”


“Where’s my sound system?”


“It’s in Abuja.”


“And my CDs?


“They’re in Abuja”


“Where’s my special Disney collection! Let me guess, it’s in Abuja?”


“No, we don’t know where it is. It may be somewhere in Daura or still in Port Harcourt.”


“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! This is my worst nightmare.” (Oky maybe not the worst, but it was some sort of nightmare.”


Fine, I can go on the internet right? Wrong! Cos the internet in the house is wireless and I stupidly didn’t take my laptop home….*sigh*…Daddy’s not home so no internet.


So I settled with TV. Thank God we at least have cable. That was before I realised NileSAT = booooooring!^2


Dunno when I slept off on the Moroccan cushions in the TV room (All the furniture was in…ABUJA!) Aaaaargh!


Why are we in Kaduna again? Cos the tenant in the Abuja house has blatantly refused to move out of OUR OWN HOUSE! Grrr! Suddenly I missed Port Harcourt!


To be honest, the new house isn’t half bad. Infact it was wonderful. It’s just the emptiness and the lack of that homely feel that we had in our Port Harcourt house that was missing. As if it wasn’t hard enough on me that I had to adjust to a new environment, I found out


·        We have a CAT! *shock*


Apparently Abba told our parents that he wants either a younger sister or a cat, they chose to get him a cat.


Hehe! Little did they know that the cat was in fact, female and pregnant! So now we have an adult cat and four kittens! Luckily they are not allowed in the house which is a great relief for me because I am extremely frightened of any creature with four or more legs! We are not evil though, Stitch, as the cat is called, lives in luxury in the store room of the guest chalet at the back of the house.


·        We have two maids and I can swear to God they are both suffering from SLEEPING SICKNESS! I asked Mummy to get them checked asap, I hope she did. They sleep too much, at least 5 times a day! It’s not humanly possible to fall into a deep, deep sleep in 2 minutes, but they can! It’s not humanly possible for a person to sleep as sound as a baby while a smoke Alarm has been beeping for 10 MINUTES and they only got up when the security guard pured water on their faces! Allah ya kawo sauki kawai!


It wasn’t until my fourth day that Mummy came back and I got my special Mummy food!



But that was the worst part of my holiday. Everything else after that was great! And by great I don’t mean GREAT I mean Oh-my-God-this-is-so-wonderful-I-could-be-stuck-in-this-moment-forever-cos-its-Supercalifragilisticespialidociously GREAT!


I can’t even begin to describe how much fun I had or how happy I was cos that’ll just make me even more homesick than I already am now.


I spent most of the break in Daura. At that point I did 7 cities in 5 days and at the end of it I fell sick. Apparently I was stressing myself because of the drastic change of weather between cities – but I just didn’t care! I lost my voice, gained it back and lost it again!


I met up with heaps of people in 3 weeks than I usually do when I’m there for 3 months. When I left Perth I knew I was going to attend Ya’Diza’s wedding and Daddy’s Turbanning ceremony … but I got home to meet two other cousin’s wedding and the Maulud Durbar! That was more fun than I had bargained for! That means more clothes! I had encounters with tailors of all sorts!


The only annoying thing is that now we have these traditional musicians that wake us up every blessed morning with their LOUD instruments! My sworn enemy is Mr Kakaki! It’s a woodwind instrument that cud give you a heart attack if you got too close!


I am a huge fan of traditional music but please, not at 7 am in the morning!


It felt really good to be home, I saw everyone – except Ya Rufa’i 😦


Now I’m back in Perth and I’ll keep you people posted on everything that happened during my holiday. I have been sleeping 24/7 and blaming all my inadequacy on jetlag  (What! It’s an 8 hour time difference! That counts for something doesn’t it?)

You’ll be hearing from me soon.


Luv (Me kaunar ku yau da kullum 🙂


Fatima “Too-Jetlagged-To-Bother” Bukar


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4 Responses to *…She is like…so BACK!…*

  1. šå₥ïřå says:

    im first..woot..wow u went home..pray for me to go soon too! lol glad u had fun,even tho u didnt get the special treatment.i hope i get mine too..else i wont go home at all..buh im sure i\’ll get,havent been home in like..umm 5 years now..the whole naija will celebrate! welcome bck,xx

  2. Fåtímå says:

    Woah! 5 years! Kina kokari wallahi, kawai kin zama austrian. Don\’t worry when you ar going home make sure kin yi setting time with me so that i can be part of your entourage. I mean 5 years! you really deserve special treatment!

  3. Caroline says:

    Ha Ha ~ I know how that sort of homecoming feels.  Welcome Home!  Growing up gets a little rough sometimes 😀 

  4. Umar M. says:

    Home sweet home, that tells you a little story how you missed home. I can tell you gonna meet many people that can sleep 24/7 if given the oppurtunity. Thats how stressful life is over here, hope you enjoy the Hawan Mauludi!!!!!!!!!!

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